PleaseBeMine.com

Dear Rob,
I have been going crazy for the past 24 hours. I moved to a new city almost 2 years ago and since then I really haven’t dated anybody.

I have a close friend “with benefits” who I spend most of my time with but am realizing he is not who I want to be with and that I need to get out more and act my age (21).

So, this past weekend I hooked up with a guy who I have been attracted to since the day I met him. He is a ladies man so I would always tell myself to stay away! But this was something I couldn’t pass up.

He always tells me how much he really likes me but would never want to hurt me when he sees me out or even asks my friends about me when I am not around. When we do talk he explains that he does not want a relationship, he just wants to act his age for the time being.

Well, he stayed at my house and we became very sexual and passionate with each other. The chemistry was so amazing! Although, I did not have sex with him I am having a terrible feeling about what I did. I don’t want him to feel different about me.

Was he even telling the truth from the beginning about liking me? Why am I so attracted to a guy who is with different women all the time? Should I even call him or wait for him to call me? Yikes! What should I do?
Confused and Unsure

Hi Confused and Unsure,
This guy is a player. A classic syndrome of a man doing what he can to fulfill his sexual needs, with little or no regard to his partner. Or their feelings.
Despite him asking about you with your friends, I have a feeling that this is just his usual MO (modis operendi).
Attraction has many levels, the first being a physical attraction. While this is required (usually) to begin a relationship, it’s a deep down, true commitment that makes any relationship work.
You say that you are only 21, that’s fine. It’s a great age to be free, dating and not going too fast into any committed relationship. Just don’t cheapen yourself for a couple of thrills. Trust me, they’ll come back to haunt you as you get older.

Don’t call this guy. And when he does call, put him off for a few days…. make him earn the time to spend with you and make sure that he’s moved you out of his “little black book” and onto his speed dial, as a way of showing commitment towards getting to know you better and not just using you.

I hope this helps, let me know how things work out for you.
Rob

I’m sure you’ve dated this type of guy:

All nice and pleasant, if not a little bit trying too hard to stay on your good side.

Always trying to please you and more often trying to keep in touch with you all the time.

He says he wants to be close to you but in reality he’s smothering you with too much attention.

The insecure guy will want to be sure that you like/love him all the time. He will call, text, IM you to death. He will hold your hand, too nervous to go any farther without explicit instruction from you. And he will profess his love for you in every sentence, every word and he will be visibly disappointed when you don’t respond the same way, with the same amount of vigor.

He will test you limits of love and durability.

He will argue with you because “He knows best” even though he stopped listening to you a long time ago.

You will be afraid to beark up with him and at the same time try to push him away, become less available to him and make him love you less.

You won’t be able to breakup just once with him, it will be a three- or four-time breakup to get him used to the idea that you aren’t the right woman for him.

The insecure guy will hound you to date him and he will try to get to you through his friends, not yours, because your friends understand how much you don’t really want to date him but his friends will try to make him happy.

If you’re in a relationship, or are about to be ina relationship with an insecure guy, you need to set him straight right from the start. Tell him what you will accept from him about his behavior and what you won’t. The insecure guy wants, above all else, to win your approval (he thinks that’s love) and will do what you say. He will eventually accuse you of trying to control him but it is him that will control you, blackmail you, and even abuse you verbally and physically, to try to make you love him.

There are many sides to an insecure guy, just like any other guy, but this type wants to be everything to you and will stop at almost nothing to prove that to you.

Be strong and keep any relationship with an insecure guy on your terms, not his.